Its been months since I lost hope, weeks since I realized I did, and the closer I come, the more I think I am losing my hurt in the worst of this. To block off all my hurt, I must block the good as well. So here I am...another day closer and another day farther. Maybe just one at a time would be okay, but its not. My heart is becoming twisted and clouded. My enjoyments are starting to cause me great discomfort. I am changing. I AM CHANGING. Its not how I wanted either, I dont know what to do. How much pain can I put myself through for the sake of others before I just give up. I feel like I'm spread across a torture rack, surrounded by people saying "i love you" as they stretch me further. I wonder if I will ever know happiness as I used to.

Funny this game called life.....How everything can change instantly when a new card is put on the table! At some point in the near future I will need to look at how my cards have changed and create new plans for moving forward in life - Life continues.

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I miss taking pictures. I miss being creative. There's something there, inside myself, that I just can't take it out.
I miss me.

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You guys keep me going when all else looks miserable.
THANK YOU.